How to Recover from Food Poisoning in 10 Easy Steps!

Step 1: decide to never eat anything again.

Step 2: remember, with great relief, that you stored a bottle of Gatorade, after the baby was taken with Winter Vomiting Disease last winter, for just such an occasion.

Step 3: refrain from looking directly at all food inside refrigerator whilst retrieving the Gatorade that you will be drinking by the spoonful every couple hours.

Step 4: sleep until it is all over.

Step 5: realize that Step 4 is impossible (both because of incredible agony as well as the existence of baby-turned-toddler in the aforementioned Step 2).

Step 6: realize Step 1 is impossible as well, and instead venture into the world of soup broth and saltine crackers after 24 to 48 hours have passed.

Step 7: do not have a husband that also gets food poisoning at the same time.

Step 8: if you cannot achieve Step 7, than at least be thankful you moved out of that house with its single bathroom.

Step 9: with a hardened stomach and suspicious eye, throw out all food from the refrigerator. Especially that take-out box you got the night before.

And finally, Step 10: begin your illness on Christmas day so that available in-laws are on hand to chase down a healthy and energetic toddler who, while not able to identify the agony his parents are in, is keenly aware there are presents waiting to be opened.

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3 thoughts on “How to Recover from Food Poisoning in 10 Easy Steps!

  1. Wait how do you know Diana?!!! Omgosh, look at you knowing a fellow Kansas blogger/author friend of mine without me realizing it. Awesome. This story? While very amusing…is NOT awesome. OMGOSH!!

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